I did not want to go to yoga today. I came up with all sorts of reasons, and excuses why I shouldn't or couldn't.....and I was TRYING to tell myself that it would be ok. After all.....it was Sunday.....the day of rest right? And I wasn't feeling well....like AT ALL! The "crud" finally hit my throat and it's scratchy and clamping and hurts to breathe. How the HECK would I even breathe in a yoga class if I couldn't even breathe without pain in my living room? AND....on top of that....I pulled something, I think, in my left hamstring....probably from my two-a-day on Friday. And....it WAS Sunday after all! ( oh ya...I already said that!) And.......hmmmmmmmmm......well..........ya!
So there I was....with all these negative thoughts pulling me away from my challenge....ALREADY! It's day 8! ONLY! Day! 8! And I just wanted a break! Is that really so bad?? IT'S SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!
Plus on top of it all.....I have been feeling all sorts of "out". Just emotionally and weirdly, and wacky. ( For lack of more poetic or "smart" words......'cause I'm feeling LOT of things right now....but smart is currently at this exact moment not one of them!) I think that for me being gone so long in South Africa, which was AMAZING by the way ( more to come in later posts), I still just feel like I missed out. I missed the magical and full of sparkli-ness Christmas season. I missed it with my other two kids. Well....I didn't MISS it exactly. We were home 4 days before Christmas (and believe me we hit the ground running ignoring the insane jet-lag- which I thought was just a phenomenon, but trust me ....IT IS NOT!)
But for me....the season is so much more than just one evening and a day. It's everything that leads up to that, and it's a relaxed and loving pace and it's soaking all the scents, and sights & feelings of the season .....all 25 days long! Not commercially or materialistically. Just magically and with family. And I feel that I missed alot of that with them. And now it has come and gone and there is a void.
I have been trying to just let go of the feeling....but weirdly it keeps coming back to me. And I feel like I need to let it sit and just grieve over it awhile. It's seems really silly...I know. And really frivolous. Even as I write this and re-read it....it just seems so downright small and silly. While there are so many more world wide troubles going on.
BUT.....it's my promise to be more present and live with intention and really listen.
So...I am listening and observing, and feeling and experiencing....and then learning some more. My hope is that when I really hear myself and honor whatever it is that's going on......I may be able to release it more quickly and then clear that space and move on and forward to the next " thing". (And hopefully soon enough I will run out of "things"!)
Anyway......I ended up going to yoga anyway, telling myself the maybe just maybe it would do me good. And it was a "community" class with a new teacher from the yoga community and I was just a bit interested. So I went on that! ( Plus the 30 day challenge is sorta kicking my butt out the door!)
And....I must say I am oh so very very glad that I did. This teacher has the most amazing yoga experience and credentials, and she brought amazing energy to the room. And I not talking...."ra-ra" over-the-top energy....but just filled the space with good, positive and motivating energy. I really enjoyed her, and her class. I allowed myself to enter the room and set intention for myself that it would be ok today to just ease into the class and the poses and to just observe how I feel with each pose and go from there. Even if I took most of the class in child's pose. It would be ok. The fact that I was there....was enough.
I actually surprised myself quite a bit....and was able to breathe without pain after focusing my breath INTO the sore areas......and I did find the strength to go more than I thought I would.
So.....in peace and joy and gratitude for a gentle push....I give thanks. To me. To the instructor. To the 30 day challenge. And to Balance Yoga Studio.
But man.....I really really MUST try to stop planning my dinner menu on my mat while in Savasana. Must work on that!
Anyway....in case you're curious, tonite......Vegetarian French Onion Soup and a Simple Green Salad.
Now off to knit something, and sip some Yogi tea, and listen to my kiddos laugh and giggle while they watch their new kitties explore and play.
Happy Sunday to you all! Finally...it is time to be restful!
Namaste! ~ from my heart to your heart
Peace,
Chantelle
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